RIP Barry Scott

Learning about the death of someone that you haven't seen in 4 years seems like it shouldn't be too hard to deal with. You are no longer close friends, you have led different lives, and you have not kept in touch. But when you find out things like this, you see that you always thought you would see them again. I mean, the only reason we really drifted apart was because we got out of highschool and left for the army, both of us. Now that I am back in Arizona where I started, I always thought I would eventually see these people again. My highschool friends who still live and work here. But now I am left realizing that I will not see Barry again. That my fond memories of him and Ryan teaching me how to spin rifles will be my own now, without him to share them with. Without him there to share them with his new born son. I guess hearing this news just made me wish that I would have kept better in touch with him. That it didn't take something like this to make me realize how much I still cared about him as a friend of mine, and that I deeply regret losing touch with that whole group. I guess the only thing left to say is that I hope he rests in peace and that he is in a better place.

Are you too Astute for My Own Good?

The only word I could think of to describe a friend of mine after a recent conversation. A conversation in which this friend, that I have never met, was able to descern something of a very personal nature about me that most people never even find out. Not that it was a secret that he found out, but it was definately not something you publish to the world. Having him figure this out, just based on the way that I speak has left me morose, and incolsolable. I don't know what this says about myself, except that having him make such an accurate guess about me has led me to believe that some people are just too astute for my tastes, even my own good. I thought I was handling the issue very well compared to most people, that I had conquered it even. But to have him figure it out so easily, from only day to day talking, made me feel as if the floor had fallen out from underneath me. That these tears from knowing he could tell meant that I was not "over" the situation. That I had not handled it, rather I had just swept it under the rug and for the most part pretended it was not there. I don't know what to do with this situation now. I feel lost, and wish that my friend had been less shrewd about my character. I am wishing that it was still something that could just be swept back under the rug, but that now the rug is missing.

More than one English???

Alright, even though I am horribly ahead of schedule on these blogs I seem to be finding them fun. Tonight while Reading the assigned reading I realized that I use different types of English with different people. I read about a novel a day and have a fairly decent vocabulary, but while in the Army I noticed that I lost most of it. I woulf start struggling for words in the middle a sentance, words that I know. It was infuriating. I felt like my brain cells were dying because of my lack of people who could use varied and intelligent words. I simply forgot most of them, I could still undertand them while reading, but could no longer put them into use, I simply floundered and couldn't think of them while talking to people.
And then it all hit home when I came home after three and a half years in the army to a family who speaks correctly and hardly ever makes gramatical errors without correcting each other. On top of that my sister was home from South Korea after a year of teaching English as a second language(she doesn't speak Korean) and she has better grammar than almost anyone I know. She went to this obscure liberal arts University while I left for the army. It was abundantly apparent just in the first five minutes of her being home and it left me depressed over what I had lost and the time I had wasted. Luckily for me, my grammar is coming back in leaps and bounds, only two weeks back in school and I have almost all of it back. Amazing. Sad thing is that I am also quickly forgetting all of the little army saying and phrases that come from all of the world, and it is hard to shut a door on that part of my life. While I felt I was losing my past and my family when I was losing my grammer, forgetting all of the little army saying is also just as sad. It was a large part of my life and has changed me irrevocably. Lots of regrets about it, but not sure I would change it if I could. Its part of me now, including the grammar, what I lost and what I learned.

Presidential woes

This being the first time that I will get the honor to vote for the next persident of the United States, I am a little on edge. I don't as a rule like to follow politics, in fact I hate it. It infuriates me to no end, and I wish I never had the oportunity to see or hear about any of it.
But, in spite of this, I am following the proceedings this time, not so happily due to my intro to psych class. I find that I am offended by Obama as a army disabled veteran, but that I like his speeches and agree with his plans. On the other side. I have had good experiences with McCain and Palin, as I lived in the states they governed while they governed them.
I find myself very confused and waivering back and forth daily on who I plan to vote for. I don't think that on voting day I will be completely sure. And furthermore I think that I might even disagree with my when I am done with it. And occasionally agree with it once again.
Oh well, lets see how it goes during this week on the repuplican side of the debates. Maybe watching these ones will make my waivering lean more towards one side than the other.

On a completely random note, I have decided that I love college. I am very glad I went to the Army first because I believe that I would have dropped out had I gone straight to college but that going into the real world made me realize that I love learning and school, and gave me the motivation and drive to make school work for me.